Ah, so it has been a while since I last checked in. Life has a habit of getting in the way of my blogging! I realized that I may never be able to make a career out of blogging, which makes me sad since I thought of myself as the Carrie Bradshaw of cancer.
A lot has been going on since my last update: I threw a surprise 40th birthday party for my sister and she was totally shocked and I have the video to prove it! I accomplished much with work even though I had to travel. My personal life seemed to be on an upswing but has since come back to normal- the jury is still out on this. I finished chemo and every part of my body has been poked, prodded, and scanned. I will have surgery on the 16th of this month. This surgery will be a liver recession again. Good news (I think) is the doctor can use the same incision as last time. I am just now getting comfortable with my scar and now its going to be split open again! In case I haven’t mentioned I have a scar that runs down the center of my body from my breast bone all the way down to almost my you-know-what! It took about 42 staples to close me up and trust me when I say it was UGLY. Opening up the same incision is better than having a completely different one. I saw the surgeon today and he briefly though that he might just go halfway down my old incision and then make a right angle toward my right hip with a new incision. I was like ‘You have got to be kidding me!’ Once he saw the look on my face, he regrouped and said he could use the entire old incision. I was like “Anything you can do to NOT make me look like Frankenstein’s bride will be much appreciated.”
Once again, the eerie deja vu that surround my cancer journey is in play. Last year my surgery was on March 4th, which was one day before Ash Wednesday. This year my surgery is on February 16th which is 2 days before Ash Wednesday! This journey has been so parallel to the first time- I just hope the complete outcome is different!
At the beginning of the second cancer journey, many different positive things presented themselves in my life path. Things that were exciting and quite frankly would be life changing for me. I believe God showed me the possibilities to let me know that my life will go on and this cancer will not define me. Throughout the last year, God has come up more than once when talking to others about my cancer. The feelings and thoughts have run the gamut on why God would let this happen, ect. Here are my thoughts on this: God is not a vengeful God. He does not “give” people cancer- he does not “give” anyone horrible life happenings. I believe that God is good and he is there when we need him (and when we think we don’t). I believe God to be a powerful entity….but I also believe the devil to be one too. It’s like the ying to the yang; the black to the white, the good to the bad. I believe the devil makes all the horribly bad things happen. I believe that when God has his back turned or maybe when he is taking a nap, the devil throws all this bad stuff towards people. Then when God turns back around or wakes up, he’s like “Ok, I can’t undo the bad, but I can give them the strength to get thru it.” I believe he stands by our side until we weather the storm. Obviously these are my personal thoughts on the subject, but think about it, it makes sense.
XOXO
mylifewithasideofcancer 