And so it begins…

So I know its been a while, but here is an update. I had surgery on February 16th to remove 7 tumors from my liver. The surgery went well and I recovered nicely. It was almost easier this time, like my body is getting use to it. All 7 tumors were removed and I am technically ‘cancer free’. At my follow up appointment, my oncologist gave me a month to think about chemo…or more precisely whether I wanted to do it again, or not. If you remember, the ‘best’ form of treatment for me was chemo-surgery-chemo. The second chemo is preventative, meaning it is given to kill any remaining microscopic cancer cells that still might be floating around. When the treatment is done this way, it is suppose to give you a longer remission time. Well we all know that didn’t work for me! So when I went back to my oncologist, I declined to get additional chemo. I wanted to (for lack of better terminology) roll the dice and see what happens. She didn’t completely let me off the hook, as I am still receiving an infusion of Avastin every 2 weeks. This is not chemo, but more of a bio-agent type drug. I refer to it as ‘little chemo’. I hear good things about this drug- like no side effects and some patients can go and stay in remission by using this drug alone.
So generally I feel really good…and then something starts to hurt. This is where it starts to get grey. As we all know, I am not one to rush to the doctor with every little ache and pain…but that was before. Now when I get an ache or a cold or whatever, my first thought is ‘Is this a normal ache/cold or is this cancer related?’ And so it begins.
About a month ago, when I saw my oncologist, I was having some joint pain in my hips and right leg. I mentioned it during the visit. Wait, let me back up a second, when I go to my appointments I get asked so many questions about any thing and every thing pertaining to ‘how do you feel?’, so when I say I mentioned it, I mean asked and answered. I wasn’t sure what her response would be (as usually I don’t have issues), but the next thing I knew I was scheduled for a bone scan. For the past week, I have had a terrible cold- accompanied by the usual suspects: chills, body aches, runny nose, cough. I have really been under the weather. So I called my oncologist today and left a message. Next thing I knew I was going in for a chest x-ray and blood cultures. You may wonder why I called my oncologist instead of my family doctor, well because I don’t know if its normal cold or cancer cold…and so it begins.
The bone scan came back negative, so the cancer has not moved into my bones. Today’s chest scan was negative. Turns out it was normal aches and pains and a normal cold. But normal for you and normal for me are 2 different things. I am more highly susceptible to the colds and viruses that ‘normal’ people come in contact with and it takes me a lot longer to recover than ‘normal’ people. The one good thing about having/fighting cancer is this: You definitely get moved to the front of the line when it comes to getting to the bottom of ‘why don’t you feel good?’.
Since I have yet to experience a long remission, I wonder if this feeling ever passes. Will there come a time when I get a cold that I won’t automatically think its connected to my cancer? Will I feel joint pain and not think that it has spread to my bones? Will I ever get past waiting for my scan results to come back and not be filled with apprehension?
This is the part of cancer that I hate. The part that robs a little carelessness from you; the part that never lets you put your guard down; the part that will always keep reminding you. Look, I get it, you are the big, bad cancer…but seriously dude, I am so over you!